Christ almighty, look at the size of my inbox. What’s wrong with kids these days? Daddy issues. Anger issues. Still wets the bed. Suicidal tendencies. Overachiever. Underachiever. Naker. If only the little bastards realized how unbelievably well off they are. Unlimited access to all the drugs, sex, and apps they could ever want, and for all that modern privilege has given them, today’s youth are still lonely, anxious, unfulfilled. Someone forgot to send them the memo that it’s not enough to have something if you’re not better for it. Take my third ex-husband, for example. Hung like the dickens, but had the technique of a turn signal. My fault for seeing potential that was never there to begin with. Likewise, shame on today’s parents for putting so much weight into thousand-dollar cell phones and boundless data plans. Just because our kids are armed with the latest technology doesn’t mean they’re not bored out of their ever-loving minds due to an overabundance of having. I’ve cruised the hallways between classes. I’ve attended Taco Tuesdays in the cafeteria. I’ve overheard the conversations, the snickered vows to get this or that male teacher fired as part of some kind of darling conformist rape victim pact. Pity you poor lasses who really do inherit such a despicable fate because the staff no longer believes a word out of your pretty little cry-wolf mouths.

Hence, here I am ringing in the start of a new day staring at a stack of absentee sheets and counseling appointments for Boca Linda girls who’ve suddenly turned up pregnant this week—who’ve suddenly decided to claim they’re pregnant this week.

I get paid either way, my lovelies.

A fresh pack of cigarettes, the flick of a lighter, the crackling of fresh, tar-infused tobacco embers, the embrasure of smooth, rich nicotine, and unto this Monday morning I go, settling into the murky depths of my virtual office. Budget cuts have relegated me to working from an online server as of late. I was resistive to the idea at first (more so recently when a student accidentally uploaded to my personal Tarzan server), but the infernal SuperMegaNet tech has grown on me, what with customizable furniture, wallpapers, and the ability to smoke virtually a quantity of cigarettes that would outright kill me actually. The marvels of this modern world in which we live—

—what have we here?

Do my eyes deceive me, or is that…

…an audio cassette revealing itself through the parting haze?

Get the book!

El Cassetto: a SuperMegaNet novel by Jesse Gordon

Get the other book!

Dookie, a cheesy horror novel by Jesse Gordon

Published by

Jesse Gordon

Geek. Writer. Supreme overlord of the SUPERMEGANET pseudoverse. Author of THE OATMEAL MAN, DOOKIE, and other such wasteful nonsense.