Getting Dressed


It’s the middle of the night, and yeah, Wonder, Hamilton, and myself are out past curfew. The posh Mallomar Heights estate across that sprawling, impeccable lawn there? That’s Oakland Warner’s place. He’s the douchebag team captain who led the Mallomar Influencers to victory against Boca Linda during our last pre-DOSVID match. We were always looking forward to redeeming ourselves on the mat, but since wrestling’s been all but outlawed thanks to the dosequisvirus epidemic, we’ve had to find other more creative ways to exact our revenge.

“Ready?” Wonder asks.

Me and Hamilton nod, quietly open our backpacks and swap out our loincloths for designer jeans, hoodies, sneakers, everything styling and ultra-flammable. Then, when the coast is clear, and without so much as a single squirt from our spray bottles, we file out of Wonder’s Jeep Wrangler, rolls of Charmful Quadruple-Ply Outré Soft toilet paper in hand.

We begin the Work.




Free-spirited and fully-clothed.

And I can’t help but think, in yesterday’s world, we would’ve gotten undressed to be provocative.

Today, we’re getting dressed.

Love is a little red pixel heart

Thanks for reading!

Dookie, a cheesy horror novel by Jesse Gordon

Published by

Jesse Gordon

Geek. Writer. Supreme overlord of the SUPERMEGANET pseudoverse. Author of THE OATMEAL MAN, DOOKIE, and other such wasteful nonsense.