There are 40,000,000 people
in Leathertommy.

These are their problems.

A pixel monster, a bug-eyed jockette, and a talking plush doll are sitting over there at that doughnut shop shaped like a gingerbread house.

“It looks like we’re a few cars short of a Grand Prix,” comments the pixel monster.

“If that’s your way of asking where everyone is,” replies the bug-eyed jockette, “then my reply would be to nod agreeably.” Which she does.

“Ernie’s gone viral,” the plush doll offers.

“Info, please?”


“What now?” asks the pixel monster.

“Yep. Picked it up at ‘the Taqueria of Lost Souls, fuck you, Tacoman,’ according to his Facebook news feed.”

The bug-eyed jockette frowns. “What about Theo?”

“Ever since he won that Best Butt award,” the plush doll scoffs, “all he does is run around turning cartwheels in his leather loincloth Tommy boy skin. Again, according to Ernie’s Facebook feed.”

A brief silence during which thoughts are pondered and deep-fried batter consumed.

“I kind of feel like we’ve become a spin-off show,” the pixel monster murmurs eventually.

“Or a classic rock band with only two original members.”

“ChipMates instead of Chips Ahoy!”

Ready Player One without the Rush references.”

“Crop sensor cameras.”

“Dollar store dental floss.”


The pixel monster, bug-eyed jockette, and talking plush doll nod in unison.


“Hard no.”

“Fucking embarrassing.”

Love is a little red pixel heart Thanks for reading! Support SuperMegaNet by buying a book or T-shirt, or by using the like/share buttons below!

Dookie, a shitty horror novel by Jesse Gordon


Published by

Jesse Gordon

Geek. Writer. Supreme overlord of the SUPERMEGANET pseudoverse. Author of THE OATMEAL MAN, DOOKIE, and other such wasteful nonsense.